TAR Night: Selling Sunglasses

joining 10 minutes in progress because I totally suck as a blogger…

Team QVC starts off by kissing an Englishman in a tractor, apparently, this is a big deal for them. Turns out they will use kissing to get them through the rest of the leg too. The teams have flown to Ghana and are confronted with the poverty. And now have to sell sunglasses – because rich Americans shilling to poor Africans makes perfect sense… Team QVC is beyond giddy, because, you know, they KNOW how to sell.

Dad and Daughter are stuck in a broken-down taxi. Tattoo Dude cannot sell for shit. Not-surprisingly, team QVC is selling, though they are mostely doing it by offering to kiss the locals. Chad gets on his knees and tries to hug a girl, but she just follows him to the ground… very weird. Weirder still is the clearly high woman Jill is trying to sell to. She has to keep her from falling down or getting hit on the head.

Tattoo Dude becomes an attraction, but no buyers are biting. Meanwhile, Team QVC is done and they have to move on to a motor-bike parts store. Me thinks they might have a harder time there….

Team YouTube is done, surprising even Team YouTube! Chad is totally putting all his eggs in the one girl basket, but eventually, she gives him the extra 1$ he needs and can move on.

Tune in or Check out: make a TV antenna work or make the *dopest* coffins EVA! (one looks like a giant camera, the other a giant fish!) Team QVC opts for the antenna: they do quick work of installing it and move onto the wiring portion of the task. Team YouTube and Team Glee are both trying to find the motorparts store. Somehow, Chad and Stephanie get there first, Team YouTube is clearly in the wrong place…..

The VolleyBall chicks opt for the crazy coffins, seriously, friggin cool! The inside wiring jobs of some teams remind me of stealing cable in college.

Meanwhile, back at the market, team Bio, team Tattoo  and father-daughter are still trying to sell the sunglasses. Team Grey’s Anatomy finally gets some air time, but they are sucking at the selling, so are Jill and Thomas. A woman steals glasses from Team Tattoo, clearly, he’s not that scary. She ends up buying them, but it’s sad to watch. Team Grey’s is in last place.

Team Grey’s FINALLY sells their glasses and moves on, meanwhile, there is tv antennas being adjusted: one person perched on a rickity latter, the other inside the house, yelling at each other… ah, memories of the late 70’s at the country house… Team QVC gets a signal and move on to the Kaneshie market to the pit stop. That seems so fast.

Volley Ball girls are delivering their piano-coffin while Team Glee choses the antenna and begin the task. Other teams  are antenna-assembling, team YouTube is done, so are Chad and Stephanie.

Team Bio bond over double-jointed-ness and frizzy hair. Am I the only one uncomfortable at watching them get to know each other?

Camera-coffin delivery, while team Tattoo opt for the antenna. Team QVC is dropped off at the market, but finding Phil is going to be SUPER HARD. Team Volley Ball is here too, but team QVC is team #1 – they win a 10-day trip to Hawaii. Volley Ball girls are team #2.

Team glee are not geeky enough and are struggling with the antenna, they give up and move onto the coffins…. idiots. Team YouTube is #3. Jill and Thomas deliver one big-ass camera-coffin, while Chad and Stephanie arrive fourth.

Dad and daughter are lost and have to turn around, Bio-team is also lost. Team Glee takes a second shot at the detour by moving a giant fish-coffin. Team Tattoo gets a signal and are done with the antenna. Jill and Thomas finish, but this is all so blah and boring, really, I don’T care. Just tell me when it’s over, there is no suspense and I don’t care about any of these people, since it’s now clear my early favorites, Team Grey’s, will not win it all.

Giant Fish Coffin delivered, other giant fish coffins runs over Christina of Team Grey, they seem to have gained some time, because Bio-team is behind them. African Traffic, the closest we will come to suspense on this episode. Well, would you look at that: Meredith and Christina get their taxi driver to move and they are seemingly gaining ground – they might not be out yet.

These taxi drivers remind me of a good Frogger game. Team Glee thinks they might have soiled themselves, but they find the mat, seemingly with dry pants. Team Grey’s joins them on the mat, respectively teams 6 and 7. OK, so I might still have a chance with Mer and Christina. Team Tattoo is 8, but I don’t give a shit.

It’s between father/daughter and Bio-Team. The dad and daughter are 9th. Sad slow music, bye-bye Bio-Team, schmalzy goodbyes.

This episode was so blah, I have nothing to add.

you think I’m kidding about the CRTC?

I always joke that the Canadian Government is on a mission to keep me from watching crap on TV…. well, believe me now:

MTV Canada might be forced to deprive Canadian viewers of Jersey ShoreCribsDowntown Girls, and Teen Mom next year.

The CRTC, Canada’s TV policy-maker is questioning what Jersey Shore and the other shows have to do with MTV Canada’s “original programming mandate to operate an all talk-show format.”

“After a review of your broadcast schedule, it would appear that several of your programs are not consistent with your nature of service, such as ‘Jersey Shore,’ ‘Cribs,’ ‘Downtown Girls’ and ‘Teen Mom,’” said a representative from CRTC to MTV Canada.

Some suspect the only reason the CRTC is cracking down is because of Jersey Shore’s domination in ratings.

Don’t do it, Canada! The people of your country would be lost without Snooki!

Read More: Jersey Shore Threatened In Canada | PerezHilton.com http://perezhilton.com/2010-10-01-jersey_shore_threatened_in_canada#ixzz1187SZKIM
Celebrity Juice, Not from Concentrate

Suspend all reality: Rachel *might* be pregnant

I was gearing up to put down the knitting needles and type up a post on Brad leaving Rachel and analysing what finally pushed Brad over the edge:

  • was it the realisation that Taylor actually did ALL the work and Rachel just showed up and looked skinny?
  • Was it that Rachel insisted on having meetings in HIS BED before he even brushed his teeth?
  • or could it have been Ro*D*ger confiding in him his deepest desires for a baby and his fears that Rachel… blah blah blah

Anyhow, Brad jumped ship. Maybe on good terms, maybe not, I guess we’ll find out in next year’s season premiere. But Not one second before I opened up a window to type this up that the internet is all abuzz (ok, 3 gossip sites) that Rachel is 3 months pregnant. Think about that for a second. A 40-y.o. life-long malnourished woman surviving on double-bag teas (oh there is such a joke in there) is pregnant? P-lease!

She is meant to be 3 months along, according to the bastion of knowledge that is OK magazine…  Me thinks she will not be giving birth anytime soon….

The return of TAR – live-blogging the premiere

TAR returns in 20 min. for those of you who don’t know, that would be The Amazing Race…. THE BEST SHOW ON TV. and yes, I am that sad that I will watch and live-blog it. I have not done any research on the teams yet, I like to see them fresh on the screen, but I did see the wicked watermelon video…. see you in 15 minutes!
SPOLER ALERT! I’m LIVE-BLOGGING, so if you haven’t watched, STOP READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the teams:

Brooke and Claire: HSM hosts….. probably not brain surgeons
Chad and Stephanie, dating, he can bench-press her.
Katie and Rachel: female volley ball players. HOT female volley ball players
Connor and Jonathan: acapella singers: NOT hot volley ball players.
Nat and Kat : drs and best friends. they are the Meredith and Christina of TAR (are actual surgeons)
Michael and Kevin: father and son, internet sensations….never heard of them
Nick and Vicki: tattoed from head to too: poor man’s Kat von T and Jesse James
ron and tony: best friends met doing The Wiz…. they are quite possibly this year’s gay team.
Jill and thomas, dating: he’s bossy
gary and mallory: father and daughter, she’s a pagent queen
Andie and Jenna: bio mom and daughter, reunited. Majorly uncomfortable to watch, they do not know each other at all.

The teams are gathered in front of a very nice, east coast mansion. Nice house. I missed the first 30 seconds… is that the Kennedy compound?
Phil announces a new prize: Express Pass: if you win the pass, you can use it at anytime before or during a challenge that you do not want to complete. I like that! Also, he tells them to haull ass because only 3 teams will make it on the frist flight, with a 30 min advantage.
Smart cars, very cute, less obnoxious than the usual fancy ones they use. All the teams make some sort of comment about the cute cars while they are trying to find their way to Logan airport, heading to London.

Andie and Jenna have never been in a car together…. wow. They are about to travel around the world, way to make up for lost time. The geeks are really exceeding at extreme geekiness already.

Ron and Tony are the first to the ticket counter. Next, Chad and Stephanie arrive only to get lost walking inside the airport and get beaten to the counter by Jill and Thomas, but they do manage to find it in time to be third, beating the VolleyBall girls by a second. Now the line forms at the second counter and the teams start to mingle. Everyone seems very overly friendly. The geeks are missing and have been named Team Glee by the others, seems appropriate, they do sing.

All teams are now travelling to London England. Oh Phil, I missed you!

Fancy cars this time. Jill gets in on the wrong side, so does Stephanie, geniuses I see. All the teams are discussing the Express Pass, I hope it’s pretty! Ron calls Tony a Gently Giant. I just call him Chubby. Chad has a nasty temper, which Stephanie blames on him being a football player…. ok… whatever.

The second plane lands, they are 21 minutes behind the first 3 teams. Brooke is the queen of driving in England, she gets the hang of it immediately, the others, not some much. Nat, the doctor, is a diabetic and manages to drive on the wrong side of the road AND take her blood sugar lever at the same time. She is THE QUEEN of driving in England, sorry Brooke!
Andie is burning the gears on her car, not good. Then she stalls in the middle of crazy traffic and The Glees attempt to rescue her but end up leaving her stranded in the intersection.

Jill and Thomas are lost. Team Grey’s Anatomy is the first one to spot Stonehenge. OK, that is pretty cool. Now they have to find a castle… Team VolleyBall has caught up and is the 3rd team to get there, along with Jill and Thomas. Team HSN has decided to follow Team Grey’s Anatomy and then explains to us why they like them so much: basically, Girl Power.

Team Glee is geeked out over Stonehenge, and then team up with the father-daughter team. Chad is angry they have fallen behind. I guess Chad is going to be angry a lot. Team Tattoo: they didn’t knwo what Stonehenge was…

Eastnor Castle, 3 times arrive seemingly at the same time, and must now climb a wall and cross a moat. (Maybe after they will have to inspect mattresses for a pea….)

Climbing a ladder while having buckets of mucky water thrown at your head… Surprisingly, team HSM kicks ass, followed by Team Grey’s Anatomy and Jill and Thomas.

Father/daughter get a flat at a gas station (that is lucky) and Team Glee debates if they should help or not… Are Team Glee mechanics? Will they be present at all automotive troubles? They choose not to stick around… good choice.

And now we are crossing the moat, which is basically a giant walnut shell that tips over if you take a breath. Fun! While the first teams are trying to get across the water, the second batch of teams start to arrive and climb the walls. Ron and Tony are so far behind, they are just reading their clue at Stonehenge… they were first, now they are last!

Thomas makes Jill pull them all the way across the water. It works, but way to suck at team-work dude. Team HSN and Team Grey’s Anatomy finish. Chad yells at his girlfriend, thus flipping the boat over, and over, and over.

Jousting! The Water melons are coming up! Thomas is the first to get a shot at the watermelons, followed by Claire… we all know what is going to happen…. Team Grey’s join the, those 3 teams are basically all at the same point.

Back at the castle, team Glee tells us they are missing their graduation to be on the race. Dude, it’s the amazing race, lord knows you’ll probably get 3 more graduate degrees!

We go back to the water melons, I can feel it coming… Thomas hits the knight and gets the next clue, to look for the pit stop. They find Phil in about 3 seconds, good for the, now can we go back to the woman getting smacked in the face by the water melon? (Also, they have ZERO chemistry. I cannot remember anything about them).

OK, water melons, here we go…. oh no, first Team Grey’s Anatomy hits their knight and move on to the pit stop, they are Team #2. The volley ball girls are also at the melons (ha!) and there it is! WHACK! That had to hurt! (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go here)

Whack, again, just in case you didn’t see it before the commercials…. ouch. “I can’t feel my face”. No shit!

Meanwhile back at the moat, the nerds manage to pass Chad and his girlfriend in the walnut boat. Give the girl props, team HSN returns to the water melons, Team Glee is there now too. And she does it, Claire of Team HSN had a numb face, but she hits that knight and they move on. Cannot wait to see what Phil says!

All of a sudden, team Glee is running like mad and catching up to team HSN. Dude, let the girl get to the mat, she got whacked in the face… KARMA! he slips and falls on his ass! Classic.

Some teams are still driving…. man, you suck!
Chad manages to hit the knight and they get to the mat as team #????
The Dad/Son and Father/daughter team are both in the walnut boats. The Father/daughter got it, the others… not so much.
Jenna and her Bio Mom arrive at the castle, team Tattoo and Team The Wiz are still driving around. Way to totally ruin your lead, losers.
Chad and Stephanie cannot find the mat… they are lost in the woods. Guess what? He’s getting angry.
Team LA Ink finally arrives at the castle but they cannot see the flag that is RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE. “OMG, we are so dumb! It was right there!” She said it, not me.
Chad and Stephanie are still looking for the mat….
Team LA Ink passes the boats. That are RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE. I feel like I should create a macro for this… They are puzzled as to where to get a boat… can you say it with me? Maybe they are TAR’s first blind team!
Both Team Father/daughter and Team Father/son get to the mat, while Chad and Stephanie continue to roam the grounds…. they finally find Phil and check in as team #8.
Still in play: team bio mom, team LA Ink and Team The Wiz. Andie and Jenna check in at #9 while Ron and Tony continue to flip their walnut boat over and over. Then they begin discussing weight distribution.
Phil finally great Team LA Ink and asks them what country they are in. She answers London. The country of London. They are team #10. That seems unfair, they should be ejected on the basis of that answer.
Ron and Tony are Philiminated.

Mashterpiece Theater: this is a must see!

Stream of consiousness Jerseylicious: Baby Shower

Here we go again, I present to you the email I got from EllieRachel after the episode, annotated with my own ideas on this thought-provoking episode.

– Best way to keep a surprise party a surprise: discuss it directly in front of the party subject. it’s ok, she was in the other room… with the door open mind you….

On this episode of “According to Alexa”:
– a baby shower is the same as a closeted high school lesbian athlete
– If you’re looking for your make-up artist after your wedding, head to the ocean and look for the beached whale.
– iPad: For the baby of all sexes.
– James Taylor, Bon Jovi, and Bruce Springsteen should do a Hannukah album together.
But you didn’t comment about her new hair! Clearly, she does not get her hair done at the Gatsby, it’s entirely too normal and cute and dare I say it, stylish, to have been done by Joisey Patrol.

Tracey doesn’t seem to understand that it’s her boss’s perogative to fire and promote at her will. Revenge is not really appropriate. That being said, damn it’s fun to watch her call Gayle “Hot Granny.” Even more fun is watching Tracey’s hilariously long extensions in all her interviews. Clearly, at some point she attended an actual Extensions Party. Also, if she went a little redder, she could be a mermaid with those curls.

Oh boy, dinner in 1984 again!!! And what is it about Frankie’s sideburns????? They’re shaved so close his ears look fake.
Frankie is a Jersey Shore wanna be, with the gel and the horrible t-shirts. But his parents are hilarious! It’s like nobody told them smoking was bad for you and female mullets were out.

Since when are men forced to attend a party honoring a woman who is only going to talk about nipples and dilation and kicking and indigestion and swollen ankles and…
Personally, I think it’s a great idea! If men were forced to hear about it, they might think twice about procreating (I’m looking at you Joe from RHoNJ)

My Fair Old Lady, starring my bwoss, Gayle. More evidence that they have writers on these shows. No way Tracey came up with that one on her own!

If Olivia and Tracy could stop throwing out the worst.insults.ever, they’d realize that they really have quite a lot in common:  a terrible grasp of the English language, an unhealthy addiction to tanning, and the same love of animal prints.
And an uncanny ability to use EVERY OUNCE OF EYE SHADOW in a single application. Forgot smokey eyes, they look like they’ve been spreading the ashes from a forest fire on they eyelids.

According to Olivia, putting differences aside is the same as showering before you brush your tease out… Not easy.
I actually had to rewind that one, because I thought she said brush your teeth out, which was scaring me a little.

Am I the only one uncomfortable that Filipo bought My Breast Friend?
not at all. Clearly, his mother went shopping for him, but it’s the one non-stupid present she got!

O.M.G. INFANT HEELS!!!!!! (I should be appauled, but I’m not)
I thought only Gorilla-Teresa would buy those. Actually, makes perfect sense as clearly Tracey’s goal in life is probably to be Teresa.

Why!? Why the chocolate/poop in the diaper game? So gross!!!!!

If a man’s lack of enthusiasm regarding baby shower games is a reason to break-up with him then I’d have been broken-up with many times over. Men really have no place at a baby shower. None. Not-a-one.
You forgot the most important part of the episode: Gigi growing some balls and telling Frankie to shove off. That boy drives me nuts and treats her like a doormat. Not that this break is going to last, but still, it was so good to watch her pretend she wanted him out of her life.

Fall Premieres

Some TV blogger I am: start a tv blog and then go missing just as all the new seasons start! Sadly, this time of year also coincides with the Jewish New Year, so there was much feasting and some fasting and very little TV watching. Well, *less* TV watching!

But I’m here and ready to go! Still watching Jerseylicious and Weeds, totally not liking the DC housewives (way too fake, even faker than all the others) and now it’s Fall Premieres. Here’s what I’ve seen so far and what I’m looking forward to:

  • House: still one of my favorites. This episode was very different, yet satisfying
  • Glee: I like Glee. But I am not head-over-heels crazy for it. This was a fair episode, but it did not wow me like the first few did.
  • Raising Hope: ok, so far, my new favorite. Funny in a dark Coen-brothers kinda way, plus Martha Plimpton. Really, how can you go wrong with that?
  • I don’t usually watch Dancing with the Stars, but I have to admit, I might be tempted to check it out this year because Bristol Palin, really? I mean, never has-been, how ’bout never-was? I missed the premiere, but luckily for me, I actually know some people who wrote a little cheat-sheet for this season!
  • I checked out Nikita online. Not bad, but I liked the old one better.
  • I’m curious about the new Law and Order, could be interesting, have no idea who is going to be in it.
  • Read the most horrible reviews about The Event, probably not even going to bother.

What are you looking forward to?